bills

we all have them and noone really wants them. they cause stress and seem to suck the life from you like a sucubus. very rarly do they ground you and have some possitive influance in our day to day goings on. you guessed it bills. and for the past month due to the changes in catering my life around my choice of pushing to better my future have been piling up. normally i fall to pieces at this point but that isnt an option at this point. i hate being behind it sets the tone for me to constantly feel rushed. as usual with my luck it gets better my finanial aid, well the loans i have taken out seem to not be posting on our schools site. so its off to the finacial aid office to straighten things out. no doubt with more wonderful news. HA! whats next. throw it at me world do your worst while i do my best.

calming down

well alot has happened in the small world of brian since the last time i posted. well i guess not that much but alot for me. before making any rash desicion i decided to take it slow and got talk to my concellor. he told me to tak to the teacher before i go messing with my aid and time it will take to graduate. i did and with a little reassurance from my teacher i have a new fouynd respect for my class. so i have almed down considerably and am taking all this in stride. as long as i'm doing ALL i can do i need only remember thats all i CAN do!

thinking too much

i currently have a full load of classes and under alot of stress. work school familily, it has me a little overwelmed. i know its nothing plenty of people have already been through. its just how i handle things. i'm a worrier, like my mother. guess i have that to thank her for! just what makes me tick,lol. well due to the sudden incline in the worry department i am thinking about dropping a class. due to the length of time since i've been in school and the importance of my grades i think this is the right choice; but now i'm wooried that i'm am rushing my choice. will this ever stop! i mean damn all i can do is my best and let the chips fall where they may. or am i worried because i really truely dont feel that i am giving my all? well i dont know! HELP! it feel like i'm under water, i can see the surface just can't make it there. any ideas?

work and a new begining

first off let me start by giving u a little insight into all that is brian. i am soon to be 33, although i have a baby face and have just recently been able to buy beer without  being carded. i tried my hand at higher learning shortly after highschool and found that i was just to damned hard headed to jump through the hoops that the real world sets before u on a daily basis. so i started a family and began working..... hard. i fooled myself with materialism and had a great credit score and alot of shit. that came to an end after nearly loosing my foot. with bills mounting i filed bankrupsies and nearlylost my mind. during thoughs years i made some seriously stupid panic indused choices. now i'm back! i am ready to make the choices it takes and jump through those damn hoops i ran from all those years. no regrets just some lost time, no big. but what about work. jobs hire u on the belief they will be able to work around such an important choice u have made as college, but really do they ever stop to think about all that incompases. no i think not. so the fifty four million dollar question is how to support a family and still hold the strenght to poor myself into school the way i want and know i need to do.